Jennifer Reynolds Writes

I’m going to make my mother angry.  I hate church signs.  I’m not talking about the signs that say something benign like “Pastor John Doe, Service at 11 on Sundays.”  I’m talking about the signs that say cutesy, pithy slogans for Jesus like “Seven days without prayer makes one weak” or “A family alter can alter a family.”  Saying I don’t like church signs makes my mother angry because my mother helps pick out the saying for the sign at her church.  I’m betting I miss at least one family meal over this post.  Thankfully, Mom’s very forgiving.

The next time you see one of these signs, try reading it with the eyes of a non-Christian.  Does “Get your free life insurance here” sound welcoming and loving to you or does it sound judgmental like we’re in the club and you’re not?  I mean who picked this saying out?!  Come on people!  Make an effort!  If you’re trying to show people God’s love why would you bring a life insurance salesman into it?  I mean everyone knows how trustworthy life insurance salesmen are.  Who isn’t waiting at their front door just dying to let that guy in and buy everything he’s got?  You might as well try to sell them a used car while you’re at it.  You honestly think boiling the message of the Gospel down into life insurance is a good thing?

While I’m ticking people off I’m not very keen on Christian t-shirts and bumper stickers either.  You may have one you think is great.  Fine, rip me apart in the comments section, but it just seems like we’re chanting in a sing-song voice at those who don’t see things the same way we do.  I remember the last time someone did that sing-song voice thing to me.  We were in middle school and I beat her up. 

And that’s really what these short, snappy Jesus cheers make me think of: middle-school cut downs.  I suspect non-Christians, in response, are just itching to slap the snot out of us.  I can’t say I blame them.  I want to slap the snot out of us too.

A friend of mine likes to laugh at church signs with me.  We text them to each other and shake our heads.  He jokes that he wonders if the churches with those signs think people are going to come flocking through the doors because of a slogan.  I’m rather afraid that it’s going to keep people more firmly outside the doors.  Haven’t Christians done enough damage to Christ’s message without reminding people of it every 1000 feet?

Maybe I’ve got you good and seething at me right now.  Good.  Imagine me saying, “Nah, nah, nah, nah, na!” in my best nasally, singsong voice then stop and consider your church sign, t-shirt and bumper sticker.  Want to slap the snot of someone now?